Annie Something – As the Boy Called Her

Lennox, son. Lennox.

And the album that I tortured you with was Diva.

Mmmm. We are in need of about £30,000.

The hole in the roof has had babies. They are now Holes – plural. And we’ve run out of buckets.

C’est la vie. Que sera, sera.

I saw Annie and Dave live in a tiny backstreet club in Berlin. They were at the height of their fame but chose that over the Olympic Stadium which was right beside our RMP Unit and had hosted the likes of U2, Michael Jackson, Bowie etc.

As the Jocks say – It’s pishing it down :o(

Currently Under the Effect of SOD’S LAW

And I’ve no idea why!!!

I don’t look for the eff-ups in life.

I’m an optimistic, positive person who always expects optimistic, positive events.

Then – some total bastard up there suddenly decides to give mea kick up the arse. Just because they can :o(

It’s been almost a full week now of complete and utter disaster domino downfall derangement.

WTF? Craptacular.

The air turned blue here and everyone has a face like a wasp chewing a bulldog.

C’est la vie :o)

WOW! Two Days in a Row!

Another thunderstorm.

Yay…..or not.

OK at night but in the day time they can be a pain in the bum.

Living in a little village in the middle of somewhere – our leccy supply is a bit hit and miss.

Electric on. Electric off. Even one second off can cause chaos.

The boys set up our router. We have two. No. I don’t understand why – – something to do with one son needing to wired and not wifi.

Raining cats and dogs. All the lights in the house on. Dark as eff.

And it takes at least 10 minutes for both routers to reset.

Pout.

The Trouble With Buying Online

Over the past couple of months my online fabric buys have been pretty good.

ebay. Cheaper than a shop.

But the image above is my first mistake.

IRL – the fabric is a disgusting shade of pale orange/beige/yuk.

I spent a few years as a retailer (owning a real, physical shop) dealing in fabric and yarn and clothes and art and jewellery so I KNOW the difference between wholesale and retail.

Buy quite a lot, quite cheap from a wholesaler who has massive stocks and you’ll get an RRP.

Recommended Retail Price. I used to shave a bit off the RRP to give my customers good value.

They still complained. Especially when buying anything that I’d handmade with mine own fair hands!!!

Caveat Emptor. Buyer Beware.

A computer will NEVER give you the TRUE feel or colour or scent or taste or voice.

NEVER!

P.S. This disgusting fabric is natural cotton… so I can dye it. YAY :o)

CHOOSE LIFE

OMG. He says :

I’ve got a present for you. In the back of the van.

Me : M’eh.

It’s Ewan McGregor

WTF. GetouttathewayMOVEWhereEFFINGGETOUTTATHEWAY….EWAN?

Well. A sack of grass seed is choosing life. I guess.

Disappointed? Moi?

Whhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah. sob. EeeeeeeWaaaannnnnnnnn!

Such is life :o)

No Longer “The Forgotten County.”

Girl Monday and I were talking yesterday about our county and how, when we both returned about 20 years ago, it was still forgotten. Sleepy. Old. And a place where only peasants lived.

We both live in “the gateway to the Wolds.”

Fast forward to now and, even without a motorway, we have been INVADED.

A good 50% of the farmland around us is now full of housing estates. The population has almost trebled and the roads, schools, medical services, police, fire, essentially essentials are all at stretching point.

We both want to leave and find the peace we once had. I’d love to go home – to the Scottish Highlands. She wants somewhere not quite so cold and brutal and unpredictable.

It’s really sad. We are a small island surrounded by much smaller islands and one day we will be covered in tarmac and cheap as chips housing.

Pout.

Elissa or Dido?

Moved on to somewhere new.

I’m doing the AltHist of Dido of Carthage now and I was brought up short by the name Elissa.

What the fluff? Dido aka Elissa?

Then it got into bull skins/ox hides and snake skins/ dragons on leads and defensive walls and….I stopped.

Then I started again with yt. Expecting a bunch of nonsense.

My bad.

Here is The Story of Elissar Queen of Tyre and Carthage

OK. Fine. Just show me up for a numpty, why not?

Pout :o(

Lounge Pants Explanation!

When I was in the army I had a 24 inch waist. I’ve still got my No.1 Dress Uniform Belt to prove it.

UK size 8/10.

Which I kept for many years, even after childbirth. And then something dreadful happened when I hit 40.

I went to my Doctor and asked if I was starting the dreaded -cough blush- man’s pause.

He smiled, patted my hand and said – No. Of course not, dear. Women start this when they reach 53.

MY curvy, well-cushioned backside.

I’m now long behind and “post” the (very early) change and all the fat in my head has sunk to my waist. FACT!

The Christmas Cosy Mystery : Who Nicked the Salmon?

You might’ve guessed that I’m a huge fan of Cosy Mysteries. Hamish Macbeth being a point in case. Even Agatha Christie started off in this genre.

I have the perfect plot for one of my own!

One of my boys is definitely a foodie Black Sheep. He doesn’t eat Sunday lunch or the Full Christmas Dinner stuff, so, we bought him a special meal for today that included extremely expensive salmon slices. Freaking weirdo child.

Anyhoo : this Xmas day has been a disaster, dahlings.

Someone has stolen, misplaced, teleported said child’s fish. He’s devastated and had a better Sarah Bernhardt moment than I have EVER produced.

Apparently he will either starve to death or have a bowl of Ready Break for Christmas.

Psssst. I blame his mother for the Am Dram bit. Oh, yes.

So – first off. A better title than Who Nicked the Salmon? is needed.

Second off. Even I don’t know the outcome. Which is a very bad way to start a novel :o(

Much as I Love Learning New Things….

…It has been a very long day and I’ve just had a child walk in as I watching this on the TV who announced – Letterlocking!

What the Fluff?

How did he know that and I didn’t ?

I’m the bloody historian…….!!!

Pout.

*********

Letterlocking is the act of folding and securing a written message (such as a letter) on papyrus, parchment, or paper, without requiring it to be contained in an envelope or packet. It is a traditional method of document security that utilizes folding and cutting.[1] The process dates to the 13th century in Western history, corresponding with the availability of flexible writing paper.[2] Letterlocking uses small slits, tabs, and holes placed directly into a letter, which combined with folding techniques are used to secure the letter (“letterpacket”), preventing reading the letter without breaking seals or slips, providing a means of tamper resistance and tamper evidence.[3] These folds and holes may be additionally secured with string and sealing wax.[4]

A particularly intricate method known as a spiral lock was in use by people of many social backgrounds in early modern Europe, including monarchs Mary Queen of Scots and Elizabeth I of England. The pages of a letter would be folded together to form a packet. A sliver cut from a page but remaining attached at one end would be woven multiple times, back and forth, through short slots cut into the folded pages. The paper would then be moistened so that it would swell, locking the pieces together. The loose end of the sliver would then be pasted down and possibly sealed with wax.[5]

A Scottish diplomat in Italy, William Keith of Delny, sent letters to James VI of Scotland in 1595 which would tear in two if not opened with care.[6] In 1603 King James told the Venetian diplomat Giovanni Carlo Scaramelli, with a smile, that he had previously received letters from the Doge of Venice which he could not open without breaking the seal. Scaramelli opened the letter for him.[7]

Intricate letterlocking works contain artistic elements, demonstrating more than a utilitarian purpose.[8] While the use of sealing techniques may have been limited to ecclesiastic and the nobility, letterlocking was historically performed by all classes of writers.[9] An individual could also be recognised by their personal technique of folding, as was the case with Jane Whorwood, of whose letter Charles I of England wrote: “This Note […] I know, by the fowldings […] that it is written by [Mrs Whorwood]”.[10]

Letterlocking is also a discipline focusing on “the materially engineered security and privacy of letters, both as a technology and a historically evolving tradition.”[1]

Chuck Out Your Chintz

LOL! This is an OLD advert.

I have a fondness for Chintz…in small measures.

There has been an unexpected side-effect of my recently acquired Organisational Skills.

I’ve suddenly created FREE TIME. Along with moments of peace and serenity. Whaaaat?

It all comes down to 3 questions :

Do I like?

Is it good?

Is it useful?

Any NO answer generates a FULL CHUCK OUT.

For a couple of years I’ve been chucking out yt channels.

Certain “acquaintances” are no more.

Several possessions are still being dumped daily.

Many old attitudes and ways of thinking are no more.

I’ve organised my bullet journal into two page weekly spreads so that I can see a whole week at a single glance.

OoohKaaay : So on Tuesday I’m taking son to hospital. Make sure there is enough petrol in the car and change for parking fees.

We will run out of logs tomorrow so bribe, threaten or pay a child with food to cut some more.

Etc.

I’m all of a dither about…… I’m NOT all of a dither.

STRANGE TIMES :o)

Shut My Mouth…ZIP

Yesterday I wrote about our Rayburn, the price of kerosene to fill it and being surrounded by trees.

Oh. I pulled something bitchy into MY reality.

The Rayburn ran out of oil today. Sulk.

And a huge tree fell down, over the pond and crushed my fave bench. And the chainsaw is broken.

Sigh.

My bad ?

Another crazy arse twist….THIS song kept Ultravox’s Glorious masterpiece Vienna from the No.1 spot on the UK pop list.

Barf!

I Was Blooded in the Ku’Damm

Back in the 80’s the entire Ku’Damm was THE most famous brothel in Berlin. And on our “beat.”

Of course. Being the only girl in the platoon, they HAD to take me on a night out…in a bar aka brothel…with porn on every TV…on every wall.

That was tame though.

If I’d been a 20year old bloke….OMG.

They’d take him to the same place. Get him Brahms & Liszt and set him up with the most beautiful prozzy in the place.

They (the Royal Military Police) all knew her……HIM.

The poor kid would run out, pulling his kecks up and screaming blue bloody murder.

Nowadays, the Ku’Damm is the German Strasse de bling and buy ? ? ?

To Madness & Beyond

OK.

I’m obv’s manda-ella afflicted.

I watched a video earlier from a channel that I’ve been subbed to since the beginning of his quest.

It was very informative. I learned a few things that I didn’t know but which make sense.

Now that video has gone.

Hey, Guys. All I did in between was cook a Shepherds’ Pie. Then come back to watch again… which is something I rarely do on yt.

WTF?

Boy Toy vs Toy Boy

Was it something I said?

Yup.

I might’ve pointed out that not only had he painted the doors and architraves but…the pictures, the light switches, the floor tiles, the wall, the sofa, the door bolts, the floorboards, the……..!

I was told that I could leave home any time and find myself a Toy Boy.

I repeated this to a child and was ACCUSED of never forgetting an insult.

No Shit, Sherlock :o)

Some afternoon DELIGHT down the Disney Vault ? ? ?

Nah. I prefer – ?

Why Does Cause Come Before Effect?

This has been such a trawl for me.

Being a writer, I know the cause and effect rule. I know how to use it. I know why it is used.

But can I explain any of the above?

Nope.

Or maybe :

This happened. Then this happened because that happened. Then because that happened (and annoyed someone) because that happened (which had killed someone) then this happened. Then. This happened……aaarrrggghh!

That would NEVER get me an A* grade even though I always study the generations before and after. :o(

Heyho.

Nowt as queer as folk – as the saying goes.

RED CAP

Mmmn. Wiki vs Real Life ?

Tamzin spent time at a secret location in Hampshire to start training for this “role.”

HIMSELF was one of her trainers. And, by jingo, was he a happy chappy? OH YES. He was already in lust with her tall (? she’s two inches shorter than me…pout) , blonde looks from the TV.

So I asked what she was like. And got back the answer…What an effing miserable, lazy, spiteful, know-it-all bitch.

Apparently she was a watch and play actor rather than a do and re-en-ACT actor.

An – I CAN DO THAT for a few seconds person.

At least they taught her how to wear the beret properly.

I have NEVER watched this series. I did this in real life.

Bitter? Me? N’ah. Amused :o)

Steak Tartare

Myself and three other “idiots abroad” stumbled on an amazing restaurant in Paris one night.

It was also a JAZZ Club with a live JAZZ band.

Me and one other ordered burgers. WELL DONE. I’d already learned from previous experience here that French Chefs refuse to understand the Well Done meat. As in cooked and not raw.

Our Well Done Burgers came. And were RAW & BLOODY in the middle. French Well Done?

Lost in translation, methinks. Though the band was brilliant and somehow (?) the barman taught me how to make a mojito from scratch. Shrug!

I WILL NOT TOUCH THE TARTAR(e) vibe :o)

Be Careful What You Wish For!

He took himself, youngest son and best mate to Mauritius for a week of fishing to fulfil a dream.

He WANTED to catch a Marlin.

Youngest is his mother’s son. Seasick as…

BUT – he caught the Marlin. After hours of fighting. And then. And then. The skipper killed it there and then. Gutted and sliced it and said Thanks Mate. You’ve just earned me 3,000 whatever currency they use there.

He was devastated.

So was I.

It was our 25th wedding anniversary and he didn’t give a flying a fish.

KARMA?

Trade Your Wife For a Camel

OK.

Been to Dubai many times. Ridden a camel there.

And THEY think I’m worth just ONE Camel?

Reddit post : I just got back from Dubai where I was offered 40 camels for my wife.

C’mon, dearly beloved men. Even I would trade me in for a whole flock of camels, I annoy myself so much.

Throw me a bone?

The Matrix Reloaded – Merovingian

OH.

I have NEVER seen any of The Matrix films. Never felt the need to.

But I just typed Merovingian into yt and THIS came up. I was confused. What do The Long-Haired Kings (Merovingian) have to do with a H/wood film?

Affiliation. The Merovingian (sometimes called The Frenchman) is an old, powerful program that resides within the Matrix. Self-described as a “trafficker of information”, the Merovingian behaves much as a leader of a powerfully organized crime syndicate.

Yah. Mmn. Sigh. Now Everyone thinks Merovingian is evil !

I’m totally stunned about how deep this deceit goes.

I MUST be STOOPID :o(