I absolutely despise those suburban front gardens that have bowling green lawns and flower beds all straight and perfect with dahlias or geranium planted exactly 6 inches apart. B O R I N G!

I’m more of a laissez-faire gardener. A bit wild and carefree.

But my husband is an ardent, dyed-in-the-wool, never-gonna-change control-freak.

Ergo – we fight over the garden quite a bit.

The only thing I will let him do (without screeching complaints and dictatorial instructions) is keep our three lawns nicely mowed.

He loves a freshly mown lawn with swathes and, bless him, works hard at it.

But we have intruders now. Sneaky bastards who come in at night and dig up the lawns – just for the fun of it.

Even I’m perturbed.

Questions asked of our fellow country dwellers as to the culprits have produced two answers to the probable perps.

Badgers or Hares. Neither of which we have ever seen on our grounds.

I’ve never actually, factually seen a badger alive. We see many of them dead by the roadsides but….!

FFS. We love playing badminton or crochet or cricket on the big lawn.

It now looks like the Somme.

Terribly miffed :o(