OMG. Gimme a bottle of Bollinger and I’d be brilliant.

I’d be even better if my traveller-in-crime was with me clutching another three bottles of Bollinger.

I’d have to explain everything to her (she doesn’t know what I do here) and then she’d – being a frustrated musical theatre actress – put my pissed as a parrot sentences into song, with all the actions and…….4 hours later we’d’ve made more sense than any Tartarian “truther” channel on youtube.

Easy ;o)

P.S. I’d use a few bad words and become totally verbally dyslexic. Ergo : giving birth to an entirely new Slang Dictionary. Up Yours Samuel Johnson.

Then we’d end up with Robbie Williams on DVD singing MY WAY.

Oh. Done that one, much to my boys’ shame and horror!