I HAD to go into town today. The first time this week. So I prepped by turning the car on to defrost it, had a cup of tea, got ready to go and…..!


I opened the car door and MAYHEM ensued. Alarm blaring. All the lights flashing. NOTHING would stop the son et lumière show at stupid o’clock in a small village.

So I rang Himself. He dropped tools and came up to the house. Swore a lot. Said he could do nothing. Left.

I was not going to be beaten so I did some research, got my can of WD40 and sprayed the bonnet catch.


The bastard car said OK, YOU WIN and worked like a dream.

I was praised for being calm in a crisis and borderline genius!

Which is quite mad because I’m more into the speaking nicely to unruly machines or shouting blue bloody murder.

Then I’ll run out of patience and grab the patented “Jeremy Clarkson Tool Kit.”